My trauma is better than yours

And here we go again. In the race of who has the best trauma (I guess meaning the worst) I’m not sure there are any real winners. I was on my forum and a huge debate erupted about which type of abuse was worse (physical versus sexual versus psychological) and how long of a time it lasted for it to count as a long enough time to be considered complex PTSD. Since when did having cPTSD become a prize? It got so bad moderators had to end comment threads and some people were expelled from the group. Is this what we’ve come down to? I wish I had zero trauma and could remove myself from the debate all together. Or maybe be well enough so I can get out of my house and take a walk with my family. I’m frustrated with this line of thinking because it undermines the reality that trauma=bad shit happened and causes a reaction that ripples across a lifetime. It doesn’t matter what type or how long or who did it. I feel for everyone who has suffered. I feel for the person like me who wakes up in a cold sweat screaming from a nightmare or has such severe flashbacks that they are disconnected from reality.  I feel for the person who can’t leave their house or connect with their family or can’t work. That really sucks. Really really sucks but instead of fighting back and forth, I wish we’d get our shit together and stop judging each other and be supportive. I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again, no one gets a prize for surviving trauma. What you get are a boatload of symptoms and very few people to help you out. Be a helping a person, there aren’t that many of us

2 thoughts on “My trauma is better than yours

  1. I never realized how “bad” my traumas were until I talk to others and they just stare at me. Then I realize I’m (once again) talking too much and most people haven’t had experiences like that. The fact that I don’t know how to have “normal” conversations, make friends, socialize, etc….or have the normal life stories others nearing 40 have, is what makes me sad now. I hate how much the selfish people in my life have stolen from my children & I. And the burning embarrassment and shame that comes, along with all the memories of being told how wrong/awkward/stupid I was so many times……. sigh. That’s what I hate, knowing I will never ever feel normal. That’s what we all share.


  2. I agree. There seems to be a lot of opinions, judgement and stigmatizing floating around out there these days and the Mental Healthcare Field is no exception! I’m probably guilty too for not being as understanding of other people’s problems like I should. In fact I know I am. I know that when it comes to people who have the same kinds of problems as my abusers (like addiction) it’s hard for me to be understanding. But let’s be honest, No one wants any of this! Don’t we all just want to be healthy and happy? I don’t have the answers but I know what doesn’t help. People not listening to other people doesn’t help. People not believing other people doesn’t help. I never had a voice in my family of origin, I still don’t, and never will. Therefore the biggest trigger I have is not being listened to, not being believed and not being taken seriously. It’s unbearable. Its maddening! Thanks again for this forum. Its helpful to read what you and others post about your experiences because I can relate very much and I think ultimately it’s going to be through hearing others stories and sharing mine on sites like this one that will be the most helpful. I’m going to keep searching and researching for ways to cope with this and find a way to support myself and make a new life going forward that I can manage. At least I hope I can!! All I can do is try. Because I just can’t hack it out there in the world anymore. And, I don’t WANT to!! There’s no cookie cutter solution for this. I’m not sure even the Doctors know. But this is real and it’s debilitating.


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